Zadie Smith On Joy Vs. Pleasure

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

In “Joy” Zadie Smith discusses the difference between pleasure and joy. According to her, pleasure is just that—nothing more, nothing less. It is straightforward and therefore usually involves something rather trivial. A candy bar, for example, might bring someone pleasure because it’s uncomplicated and induces instant gratification. But it’s also primitive in nature.

A relationship, on the other hand, isn’t that simple, and therefore cannot be associated with easy pleasure but with joy, which Zadie calls “that mixture of terror, pain, and delight,” which she “find some way to live with daily.”

I guess one way of distinguishing joy from the rest of your emotions is by detecting that acute sensation of dread—dread that this joy will not last, or dread of the inevitable death of us all, which will halt this ecstatic sensation. For me, that feeling also defines love. I known I’m truly in love with…

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30 Quotes That Will Rip Apart The Way You See Your Life

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

“To let go means to give up coercing, resisting, or struggling, in exchange for something more powerful and wholesome which comes out of allowing things to be as they are without getting caught up in your attraction to or rejection of them, in the intrinsic stickiness of wanting, of liking and disliking.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn
“Life is, in fact, a battle. Evil is insolent and strong; beauty enchanting, but rare; goodness very apt to be weak; folly very apt to be defiant; wickedness to carry the day; imbeciles to be in great places, people of sense in small, and mankind generally unhappy. But the world as it stands is no narrow illusion, no phantasm, no evil dream of the night; we wake up to it, forever and ever; and we can neither forget it nor deny it nor dispense with it.” ― Henry James
“Love opens the doors into everything, as far…

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The 15 Most Attractive Things Boys Do

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

1. When they say something unexpectedly sweet that’s not cliche or a ploy to get you in bed. Something that is so honest it makes them a little nervous to say and that’s what makes it mean so much.

2. When they pull you over to lay on them, and your head fits in that little alcove between their chest and shoulder and they have that boy smell of cologne or whatever other majestic things they use– after shave? I don’t even know what that is but I usually don’t question.

3. Acts of classic chivalry, like not just asking if you’re cold and need a coat, but just taking it off and putting it around you. It makes it seem like they really want to give it to you, not just look courteous by asking.

4. Defying gender norms. Also male feminists are pretty up there on the attractiveness…

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Distance: The Ultimate Heartbreaker

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

You hear all these stories about young love. About how it burns bright and fast, like fire. It starts with all its might, turning yellow and orange, red and blue at the center. Yet the same quick way it starts it ends. I know what they say about young love. That it never lasts, that it’s just the first of many. But what when the ending is not by choice, but need, because distance gets in the way and we’re too young to realize that maybe this was supposed to be it. Maybe we’re too scared to admit that we wanted nothing but each other. And then friends’ opinions get in the way, or the thought of what “the right thing” to do is stops us from doing what we really want to do.

I said goodbye to my boyfriend last night because like many others, he’s going abroad for…

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5 Kinds Of Love You Will Experience In Your Life

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

1. The Love That Would Remind You How Simple It Is To Feel.

The kind of love that would take you back to a boy in your high school halls and how you quietly gush about how cute he is when he smiles and how you write creepy entries on your diary that one day he might drive you home and you’ll get your happy ending. Believe me, this is the purest and the best kind of affection there is.

2. The Love That Changed You.

We can always look back to that one person whose love was either too good or too bad for us that it changed us. They could have showed us how dark abyss could be turned into a whimsical garden or they could have rocked the solid walls that guarded our petty hearts and we crumbled instantly to their feet. And like rubble, they left…

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On Being On Your Own

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

As children, we are taught to believe that romantic love is the end-all, be-all and that we cannot be happy until we have obtained it. We watch movies where men with sharp jaws, who say they will do anything for love, sweep women off their feet. We obsess over our parent’s relationship, trying to set them up with the mailman or the barista, believing they cannot possibly be happy without romantic love. We hear stories about people who “need” their lovers, who “can’t live without” them. We believe all these fairytale as if they are facts.

When I was younger, I would sit around in a circle with my friends at sleepovers and we’d imagine our wedding days. We’d try to draw the faces of our future spouses. We’d plan our dates with cute boys and maybe cute girls and imagine falling head-over heels for someone who reads all the…

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10 Gut Feelings You Should Never Ignore

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

1. When something feels “off” even if everything looks perfect, and logically, there’s nothing wrong. Because logic has nothing to do with it.

2. On the contrary, when something feels inexplicably right for you, even if the after-thoughts are that of fear or embarrassment.

3. When that little voice rears it’s ugly head and tells you at the most mundane moment: but you don’t really love them.

4. If you feel as though you are in danger. Don’t worry about looking “crazy” because it seems like there’s nothing plausibly risky to anybody else.

5. That there’s something wrong with your body; an illness, whether it’s benign or not. If you even have an inkling that something feels off beyond your usual day cold, have it checked out. It is always worth it in the end.

6. The moment something happens and you say to yourself instantly, this isn’t going to…

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One Day Things Will Work Out And I Hope It’s Tomorrow

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

One day, the right stars will align themselves, and you’ll find yourself where you should be. In the morning the sky will burst in pink and gold, and the sunlight will pool around you. The universe has tipped itself in the angles of impossible, and you will find, it has all fallen into place.

The cracks in your heart, they’ll remain, no amount of sun filtering through can fill them, no laughter can, but you will know, like everyone who has lived through a sadness, any sadness- that you will fall into the gravity of tomorrow. It’s inevitable. You aren’t the first person to want to just disappear in your duvet in the morning, and you won’t be the last. You’ll wake up, and the half-second infinity when the morning sun washes the tips of your eyelashes white hangs on your shoulders like a curse. You’re still alive.

It feels…

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7 Reasons Why, Exactly, You Should Travel

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

Let’s face it: traveling takes planning, is expensive and, depending on where you’re going and who you’re going with, can be a little nerve-wracking. Your Facebook feed may be giving you wanderlust — what with that one rich friend posting an endless stream of cocktail-clinking photos in Mykonos — but to take the plunge yourself, to say, “Looks like it’s time to leave my comfort zone for a while,” is still a serious decision.

Nonetheless, it’s one of the best decisions you can make. There are always a million reasons not to do something, so when it comes to hopping in that plane, train or automobile and leaving behind what you know for however long, be it one week or one decade, there are many truly great reasons for why you should indeed start packing your bags. After all, there are certain things about yourself, about others, and about life…

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How To Love Someone

by Kimverlyn

Thought Catalog

I’m not talking about the kind of love that comes in passionate sweeping ecstatic bits. I’m not talking about the love that leaves us breathless with hormonally-infused and socially projected chemical responses that we’re doing something right. I don’t mean the love that takes us far from where we started, but that which brings us back, and that which acquaints us with who we are. Not the outbursts of passion that drive us to madness. Not the false pretenses under which we fall into believing we’ll never survive without someone– not the love we attach ourselves to for the sake of self-assurance. Not the feeling that drives us to the obsessive and compulsive withholding of someone, but the love that fills us up and lets them go.

Love someone genuinely. Love the funny little things about them. Reassure them. Let your time together be an experience, not a chore or…

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